Third Time's A Charm

In June we started another three months of the waiting. (for emotional and physical healing) At this point, I wasn't sure if I even wanted to try again. Maybe our life was supposed to be just Taylor, Peyton, Tripp, Izzy, and I. I didn't know where life was taking us or what was going to happen next. After much crying, praying, and long talks with Taylor we both decided that we would try until the end of the year and then call it quits after that. In late August I started my period, so I called my doctor to see if we could go ahead and start on the clomid again, but she said I really needed to wait til the beginning of September. I wasn't hopeful that I would start on my own again in September, so I was a little bummed out about that. September came and I never started, so I finally called my doctor in October and they put me on a ten day medicine to make me start and then I could finally start back on my clomid. Once I started the medicine I did some calculating of when the my most fertile times would be and it looked like the few days that were most important were the few days that Taylor would be gone on a business trip. I knew there was nothing I could do to change this and to me it just seemed like a waste of a month. To my surprise, I didn't start when I was supposed to and Taylor actually was in town during those few important days. I got my blood drawn on day 19 and my doctor had confirmed that I did ovulate that month. I was very eager to find out if that month was successful or not and I was ready to start testing, but Taylor thought I should wait awhile longer. While Taylor was gone for a little bit one night I took a test to calm my mind because I was sure that I was pregnant. As the test was blinking with an hour glass Taylor walked through the door, so I froze because I didn't want him to be mad that I was testing so early. As I read the word Pregnant for the third time I was shocked. I was only testing early to bring myself back to reality that I probably wan't pregnant. I really had my hopes up and when you are trying to conceive that is the one thing you try not to do. I yelled for Taylor to share the news and we hugged for atleast ten minutes and of course I cried like a baby. How could I get a positive test at only 3 weeks and 3 days pregnant? I was beyond excited, but more importantly I was humbled.

A New Year

We started out 2012 pretty rough, but we were hopful that things we get better. After our early miscarriage at the end of January we were told that we needed to take 3 months off from tryingFor a person who would do anything to conceive, three moths sounded like a lifetime. I didn't really understand why we should have to wait that long, but that was the doctor's orders. He told us that the time off was not only for physical healing on my body, but also for emotional healing which I knew we both needed. On the three month "break" we both decided not to prevent eventhough that's what we were told to do. We figured if for some reason we did get pregnant in those three months without the medicine then it was meant to be.In February we went to our very first foster class. I had my heart set on children whether they were mine or someone elses. We learned all of the rules, what steps we needed to take, and we filled out all of our paperwork and had our background checks done. We decided after this to pray about it and see what were supposed to do. We want to follow the Lord's plan for us, but we weren't sure what that plan was. We met back with Dr. Haraway in April of 2012 to talk about what would be next and he then told us we could begin trying again with the help of Clomid. He also told us that our miscarriage was nothing to be too concerned about, because on average every woman has two in her lifetime, some of which they never even know about. He encouraged us to try again and to not get too discouraged. He said most people do not have two back to back, so if we got pregant again the chances of it happening were drastically decreased. We left his office thrilled and we were both more than ready to start this process over again. I took the Clomid and patiently waited. Those 28 days seemed forever long. On the day I was supposed to start my period I wondered why "Aunt Flow" never came, but didn't think to much about it. Knowing my own body, I didn't think anything of it. That week everything seemed pretty normal and after a few days, I decided to call my doctor and tell him that I still had not started and asked if they could go ahead and prescribe me the medicine to make me have a period, so we could go ahead and start on the next month of clomid. She told me that I had to make sure I wasn't pregnant before she would prescribe me the medicine. I told her I had taken cheap tests and they all had read negative and she suggested we go buy an expensive test and let her know the results. A few days later I told Taylor we should probably go ahead and go buy a test and get it over with. As I was taking the test that night I really just had a feeling that the words "Not Pregnant" were going to pop up and boy was I shocked when only "Pregnant" came up on the screen. My heart skipped a beat and yelled for Taylor to tell him. How did I not know? Why did I wait for a whole week to go buy a good test and take it? Why did I trust those super cheap tests? I called my doctor the next morning and went and had my bloodwork done. She called me a few hours later to confirm that we were indeed pregnant AGAIN! Taylor and I talked about it and we decided that we didn't want to go throught what had happened last time, so we decided to only tell our parents and a few close friends. Our parents and friends were once again thrilled and just as excited as we were. We were five weeks pregnant and found out we were due in February. We had our first appointment set up for the end of June and we couldn't wait. We found out the news only a week and a half before my brothers wedding, so we were pretty distracted that week helping get all of the last minute things together. The morning of the wedding (June 2) I got sick and threw up, so I thought that was a good sign, but we were still keeping our fingers crossed. The next morning we got up early were leaving for family vacation. Taylor, Peyt, and I headed to Little Rock to get Judy (Taylor's Mom) and then we were on our way to Destin, Florida for the week. When we go to Little Rock I decided I should go to the bathroom so we didn't have to stop a lot. I went to the bathroom and I noticed that something wasn't right. I cried and cried and told Taylor I knew that we were miscarrying yet again. He encouraged me to have faith and be optimistic. I begged him to let me stay in Little Rock and have my parents come pick me up and take me home. I really didn't want to be in the car for 9 more hours with cramping and pain. I knew exactly what I went through before and I only wished I could just go home and get in my bed, but I also didn't want to miss seeing Peyton at the beach and enjoy spending time enjoying him. We got in the car and I cried myself to sleep. I think I slept most of the way and the pain was just as I thought, but there really was nothing I could do about it at the time. The next morning the cramping and bleeding had stopped, but I called my doctor anyway. The told me that I could wait a week until we got home to have some bloodwork done or I could get it done in Florida and the results would be sent back to them. I chose to have it done in Florida because I am such an anxious person there was no way I could wait a whole week to find out what was going on. On Tuesaday we went to a hospital there and waited for the bloodwork order to come in from my doctor and for some reason it never did, so we wasted about 3 hours trying to get some answers. I called back to the hopital the next day and they finally got the order, so we went and had the bloodwork done and waited for Dr. Haraway's nurse to call. We went to the beach for several hours that day and then we headed to the pool before we went to get ready for dinner. While laying out at the pool I got the phone call and the nurse then told me that my HCG levels had dropped from a 75 to a 5 and anything below a ten was considered a miscarriage. My heart was completly broken yet again. I went back to the condo by myself and had some quiet time with God asking him the same questions I had asked just a few months before. Why me? Why us? I talked with my mom for a long time as I layed in bed crying and she did everything she could to console me and tell me that I will get through this and that everything happens for a reason. Taylor came back to the condo shortly after and I told him the news and he was so upset, I hurt for him too. We both wanted nothing more than to be parents to a healthy baby. I didn't want to ruin my vacation with my boys, so I tried to put on a happy face and spend lots of time with them. I didn't want Peyton to know what was going on, so I had to be strong for him. The nurse told me again that we needed to take another three months off for physical and emotional healing. I was confused. I knew how to better cope with it the second time, but I have to say I couldn't have made it without the help of my friends and family. I got back on my anxiety medicine while we were on our three month "break" and that helped with the stress that I felt daily. I again was down in life. I realized that being a grown up was not an easy task. I felt like my life was a rollercoaster and I wasn't sure what turn or twist it would take next.

The Best Christmas Yet

As I mentioned in my previous post, I had an HSG test done to check and see if my fallopian tubes were open and I also took Clomid for the 7th month in a row. On Christmas Eve morning 2011, we had just opened presents and I went to take a shower. Taylor was in the garage talking to his brother doing who knows what. I decided to take a test; even though, is was a day before my missed period. After months and months (and lots of $$ spent on medication, tests, and home pregnancy tests) the test read "pregnant!" I can't even begin to tell you the joy I felt that morning. I quickly grabbed a towel and ran to the garage to get Taylor. I told him to come in the bedroom that we needed to talk. Once he was in our room, I whispered to him that I was pregnant and the smile I saw on his face will stick in my mind forever. He picked me up kissed me and then kissed my belly. (which made my heart melt) I had told Taylor in the months and months of trying that finding out around a holiday would be ideal so we could share the news with all of our family in person and all at the same time. We weren't sure what we should do seeing that it was a day before my missed period, but Taylor's mom and brother were both at our house, and we couldn't contain our excitement, so we decided to go ahead and tell them. His mom was ecstatic and made me got take another test, so she could see it with her own eyes. She recorded the blinking hour glass and screamed when it popped up 'pregnant.' I couldn't wait to tell my parents either, so we met them and Amber in Fort Smith and I told them. Mom thought it was a joke, but I assured her it was no joke at all. They new about everything we had gone through to get this far, and they were thrilled. Later that day mom made me take another test to 'prove it' to her too. (not sure why our mothers doubted our word..haha) We decided to wait and tell Taylor's dad and Rozanne the next morning. (Christmas morning) I wanted to tell them in a clever way, so we got a jar of Prego sauce and put it in a Christmas bag that had a tag on the top saying, "We are..." (get it??) We recorded their reaction and it was priceless. They were confused at first and after a few minutes of them looking around the room, Holly blurted out, "So are we!" Holly and Glen had cam back in town a few days before Christmas and told Mark and Rozanne then. We all took pictures and exchanged our excitement. (Holly already knew at this point that she was having a little boy) We went our way that day and did the rest of our Christmas. That evening we stopped by the house to pick up a few gifts we had forgotten and I took 2 more tests (a different brand) for assurance. They both read negative. I was confused and wasn't sure I wanted anyone else to know until we saw a doctor. We went back to Mark and Rozanne's to do Christmas with the Burgess side. By the time we got there everyone already knew and as we walked in we found out that Brooks and Amie were also expecting. Talk about an exciting Christmas at the Sterling's. Annie & Pop found out they were going to be grandparents to 3 new grandbabies. The next morning my regular doctors office was closed, so we decided to go to a walk in clinic instead. They did a blood test, and the doctor called me that afternoon and said that the test came back negative. I can't begin to tell you how upset I was. I didn't want to call our family and tell them, but we called our parents and they did the rest. The next day I called my doctor and told them what had happened. The nurse told me to call the following week if I still hadn't started. I never did, so the following week I had blood work done. The nurse called me later that day and said the walk-in clinic must have done a  positive/negative test and not a test to check my HCG levels. (or a low number would have showed up then) All of that worrying for nothing. We quickly told our parents the news and they were excited, but we were all still worried. A few weeks later I started bleeding. I called the nurse and she told me I needed to have my blood drawn that day and the following day, so they could see if my levels were increasing or decreasing. That night I was in the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life. I told Taylor that I knew something wasn't right and I had a bad feeling. After blood work the next day the nurse called and said that I had a miscarriage at 7 and 1/2 weeks. (Which is when most miscarriages occur) She said Dr. Haraway wanted me to take a 3 month break for emotional and physical healing. I called Taylor who was at work and I cried and cried to him. Why? That was the question I couldn't get out of my head. Why do things like this happen? Why me? Why us? This was a really hard time in my life. My friends, family, and Taylor were so supportive and that meant the world to me. I was an emotional wreck, but everyone was so understanding and I knew had lots of people praying for Taylor and I. I am so thankful that we never told Peyton because I honestly don't think that I could have handled all of the questions that a 5 year would want to ask. One day when he is older I do want him to know about the brother or sister that he would have had. (or maybe he will read this blog) My emotions were like a rollercoaster. One day I was ok and the next I would cry and cry and ask God to give us our baby back. (which sounds crazy) For awhile I wasn't sure I even wanted to try again. I didn't know how I would ever be able to handle going through it again. Luckily my husband is a patient, sweet, kind, caring, and loving man. He was and IS my rock. I can honestly say that the day we got married he saw me at my best and he also saw my at my worst during this time and he loved me unconditionally throughout it all. I sometimes wonder at times if I took it to hard. I know the miscarriage was very early on, but to us it was still a life. (no matter how early it was)                                                                                                                                

One Things For Certain: Nothings For Sure

Since Taylor and I have been married we have wanted a baby. For the first year we weren't exactly "trying," but we weren't preventing either. We figured that it would happen when it was supposed to happen. After we had been married a year, I was started to get concerned that something wasn't right. I had a yearly appointment  with my OBGYN and I thought that would be a good time to discuss our concerns. My doctor asked me to have an ultrasound done, so I made an appointment and had my ovaries checked. The ultrasound tech didn't say too much about what she saw, but said that the doctor would call me in the next couple of days. After 2-3 days I was so anxious to find out what the results were, so I called and talked to my doctors nurse, she told me that my doctor was out of town, but said that she could tell me what the results said. She went on to tell me that the papers said, "multiple follicles seen. PCOS?" That's all that she could tell me and I hung up more confused than when I called. I had no idea what PCOS was or what that mean for Taylor and I. Thankfully, my good friend google helped me out. PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I found out that it was the leading cause in infertility blah blah blah. I cried and cried because whatever this "syndrome" was, I knew I didn't want it. I called back the following week to talk to the doctor about what this meant because we were ready to start a family. The nurse called me back again instead of the doctor and basically just said, "the doctor has confirmed that you do have PCOS and you can make an appointment in three months to come in if you still haven't conceived." I hung up the phone a mess. The only information I had was what I had read on the internet. I felt like my doctor wasn't informative and wasn't explaining things that should have been explained.Taylor and I talked about what we should do and we decided to get another opinion. A lot of people told me to get an appointment with Dr. Torres, so I called to make one and he was booked up for three months. I knew I needed answers ASAP because I am a very anxious person. The receptionist told me great things about Dr. Haraway who was in the same office as Dr. Torres. I decided to make an appointment with him and he got me in 2 weeks later. (July 2011) We met with him and he sat down in the room and talked with Taylor and I for 45 minutes about what he "thought" was going on and what his suggestions were. He told us that he looked over the same ultrasound that the other doctor had me do and he did NOT feel that I had PCOS. (praise the Lord) He said that he felt that from past records he saw from the other doctor that he thought I was anovulatory. (which basically just means that I do not ovulate on my own) Dr. Haraway told me that he wanted me to try a drug called Clomid. He explained that it is a pill to help women conceive and that it also helps women ovulate. He explained that it does not work for everyone and after taking it I have my blood drawn every month to see if it had worked or not. Our main concern at this point was multiples. We had heard that clomid could cause more than one child. Dr. Haraway told us that the chances of twins was 12% higher than someone not on clomid. He also said that there was a chance of triplets, but he said in his 20 years of gynecology he had only seen 3 sets of "clomid triplets." We went home and discussed it in private. After many prayers and discussions, we decided to give it a shot and see how the first month went. Taylor was bound and determine that we would have a baby without the medicine, but after talking about it, we decided to try it one month and see if it worked. After the first month, the nurse called and confirmed that I had ovulated, so we decided to keep trying it. We did 6 months of clomid and every month I ovulated. ( By this point in my life, I was no longer terrified of needles like I was prior to our clomid experience) My doctor called me himself and said that he usually didn't have people take the clomid any longer than 6 months. He said if ovulation occured for 6 consecutive months and there was no contraception, then his next option would be to send us to a fertility specialist in Little Rock. He asked me to have my tubes checked in December of 2011 before we were referred to the specialist. This procedure is called an HCG and I was more than dreading it. (because of google) I was told to take the clomid one more month (the 7th month) just to increase the chances that particular month. (sometimes even if the tubes are open there are minor blockages that are "flushed" out during this procedure, so the clomid was taken just to make sure I ovulated) I went in for the HCG and it was not a pleasant experience, but I dealt with it. I was willing to do whatever I had to do. Once it was over the doctor confirmed that my tubes were fine and that I more than likely wasn't the problem. He asked for Taylor to get "checked." We talked about it, but considering that he already has a child and knowing that Christmas was coming up, but weren't ready to put out the expense of it. (because insurance wouldn't cover any of it and it was $350) Throughout the last 7 months Taylor and I held each other close and did a lot of crying and a lot of praying. We kept our faith knowing that God had a plan for a family, but we were starting to wonder what that plan was.

Our Story

When Taylor and I were in the 5th grade, we both went to different elementary schools. He went to North Main and I went to Westwood. (that's where all the cool kids went...haha) Taylor played football for the white pittbulls and that is the team that my dad and Phil Hicks coached together. Taylor and I met at football practice. I would always go with my dad and through the ball around just like one of the boys. When 6th grade started our school district decided to combine the schools, so from then on we went to the same middle school, junior high, and high school. Taylor and I were always friends, but never great friends until our sophomore year of high school. We planned out our schedules together and we had 5 out 7 classes together. We liked hanging out with each other and it also helped to do our homework and study together. Our junior year we took a few classes together again, but not as many as our 10th grade year. As we became seniors we sort of went our separate ways. We didn't hang out much our senior year or the summer following. On August 4, 2006 Taylor became a daddy to one handsome little boy. (Peyton Cole Sterling) During the fall of 2006 all of our friends started college. Most of them stayed at UAFS like Taylor and I did. After a few months I decided that college wasn't for me and I started going to Designer College to get my license to be a hairstylist. At this point in our life Taylor and I started to become friends again. He came to the beauty college several times to get his hair cut by me and we would also hang out at Coti and Diamond's apartment every now and then. Once I finished beauty school, I began working at Mitzi Dunavin Salon in Greenwood. I worked there for a year and Taylor would still come to get his haircut and he will also bring Peyton. In August of 2008 I got a phone call from DeNise, the owner of the beauty school, asking me to come back and be an instructor. I willingly agreed thinking it was a good opportunity. As I started getting my instructor license Taylor started to come around quite a bit. He would come by my parents house, just to hang out and he would also bring Peyton. (who had just turned 2) After a few months of "hanging out" Taylor and I decided to see if we could make it work. We became facebook official in October of 2008. Taylor was still going to school to become a mechanical engineer and was also working for Center Point Energy. On May 11th 2009, Taylor asked me to be his wife. The same day my sister bought her very own house. (She will say we stole her thunder, but it's Taylor's fault) I moved in with Amber  and lived with her for a year, before Taylor and I tied the knot. We got married on May 15, 2010 and it was the absolute best day of my life. Five of my best friends were standing beside me and five of Taylor's best friends were beside him. Phil Hicks (remember Taylor's little league football coach?) was the officiant. We were so honored to have him marry is because we both grew up around him and we think so highly of him. It started raining at 6:00pm that day, but thankfully it stopped at 6:25pm, just 5 minutes before I walked down the isle. Normally I would have been upset, but at that point I knew there was nothing  I could do about it, and it turned out wonderful. The raindrops made it even more romantic. We read our own vows to each each and my wonderful cousin Heather sang, From this Moment on, as we poured our unity sand. Ok, I guess that's enough about our wedding day; even though, I could go on all day. We left the next morning for our honeymoon in the Riviera Maya. (specifically Puerto Moreles, Mexico) As we came back from our honeymoon we moved into a little 2 bedroom apartment that we thought was wonderful. We barely had enough room for all of our wedding gifts, clothes, and Peyton's toys, but we were tickled to death to be living together in that tiny little apartment. At this point in our lives, Taylor was still  going to school and working really hard. He got an internship at Baldor Electric and I was still working for DeSigner College as an instructor. We lived in our apartment for a little over before Taylor graduated from college with a Bachelor's in Mechanical Engineering. He got hired at Baldor as an engineer and I we were more than excited for him to have a "real" job. After graduating we got a pre-approved to buy a home and on July 1, 2011 we closed on our VERY OWN home. Well I'm sure this is long and boring to most people who read it, but it gives me butterflies in my tummy to remember how blessed we are to have each other. That's all for now.. until next time.

Beginners Blogging

For a while now I have been telling  myself that I was going to start a blog, but never actually got around to it. My reason for blogging is not so people will always know when, where, and what we are doing, but more for my future children to read and know exactly what went on from the time Taylor and I first started dating. This blog is also for Taylor and I too, so we can look back on the  good times and also remember the hard times and realize how far we have come. I am a very sentimental person and I personally would love a story of my parents from day one all the way until today. I hope I will actually stick with this and tell "our story." :)